Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Bitter sweet

This day was spent like 20% blogging, 20% surfing/stalking/goofing, 30% praying, 10% eating, and 20% sleeping. I am in the part now wherein i'm gonna write what I feel inside, sleep it away and hopefully when I wake up, start movin' on just like you.

A friend texted me early this morning informing me that the quiz was given as a take home exam by our prof. She's so kind to have placed my email add in the paper where they were writing (again, thanks to you) and so I didn't have to prep up for school. Thanks to her I didn't have to go to the campus and see faces I hate to see for the time being.

The quiz turned take home exam defeats now the promise I made to myself. The London thing and the deactivate everything thing. Fate knows how to play well, eh?

To cut the crap, i'm writing this one LAST blog post to give myself the closure I need. I've been praying for enlightenment the day everything started to fall apart and I guess He answered me just when I visited the church this afternoon.

I stayed there for a couple of hours, attended 2 masses and a half and voila, SANITY's back. :') I'm not saying that in just a snap, my world turned into something quite different but I guess what I felt there was a stronger me, a light-hearted me, a better me.

Heartbreaks tend to make people bitter. I really was, yet I told myself I would never stay bitter for long. Fighting against what your heart desires, is like the HARDEST thing ever. It's like trying to fight a new born - YOU JUST CAN'T. It's like reaching for the skies - QUITE IMPOSSIBLE. But no matter how hard, how impossible or how devastating it may become, you just have to hold on to that one fact that could help you go on with your life - THE PERSON YOU LOVE IS HAPPY NOW, SO YOU SHOULD ALSO BE.

Loving is painful. But it's better than feeling nothing at all. Love has taught me a lot of things. And it still continues to teach me lessons for life. I've lost friends because of love. I've lost myself because of love. However, it is to be noted that because of love also, I found myself again. That love I am referring to now is love for oneself.

I have to love myself in order for me to pick up the pieces and make 'em whole again. I have to love myself so that one day I can open my heart again for someone I am going to spend eternity with.

All my love experiences are unique and great in there own ways. But this one's something I'd never forget until my deathbed. This one's gonna be treasured 'til I finally find someone who'll mend my broken heart. :')

Our love failed, but the feeling goes on. I don't know for how long but I am quite certain that it'll take me too much time. It's not an easy process but I know I can. You made it so I think I'll make it too.

I think every word that has been said are really meant. So, i'm taking an exit. From now on, i'm not gonna send questions like 'musta' or whatsoever to you anymore. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna haunt you with the memory I might bring. I'm not gonna bother your life and the people in it. And as you wish, I WILL STAY AWAY FROM YOU. Feel free to forget that once in your life, you met a stupid Jonas. Forget that I even exist.

Before I finally end this post, I want you to know that everything I felt was real; just like you. And please, don't be too unfair in saying that it was my intention of hurting you because I have never thought of that ever since. Your happiness is so important to me that I'm letting you go now.

So there.

A lot of thanks to the girl who meant the world to me for almost 2 years now. A lot of apologies to that same girl who I have disappointed for so many times. And a lot of hugs from me to you for eternity. Take care of yourself, you know me so well that I don't have to tell you what taking care is, the pogi-pretty way. A part of me will always be in love with you, too. Thank you, thank you, thank you! This is really goodbye. It HURTS but all I know is that loving YOU is BITTER SWEET. *insert a river of Jonas' tears here*

Wo ai ni! <3 *insert You and I collide here*


P.S. Let's be happy. Let's smile. Let's make the best of who we are, pogi! :')

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

What if

What if I turn into someone really bad? Like the exact opposite of who and what I am now? Just a thought. This day's driving me insane. Let's go to the church. :')

Gotta leave with this thought:

If you stand for a reason, be prepared to stand alone like a tree, and if you fall on the ground, fall like a seed that grows back to fight again.

P.S. I miss you :'(

You and I collide

I need an html music code for You and I collide, please help me find one. I really need it. Badly need it. Thank you! :')

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Don't stop here
I lost my place
I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

This has been playing for 20 times now. Wooh. Saksak sa baga ang paglimot.

Nonsense

Wordpress is quite demanding. But i'm starting to like it. :') Will be facing the computer for the next 12 hours? That'll suffice. I think. :'D

bye

Will be leaving blogspot soon. :') Bye! Find me @ -------> wordpress ^___^

Monday, December 3, 2012

A

I should get an A this Wednesday or else, I will delete all my accounts in different social networking sites and I won't go to London with my Family. That, I promise. I'm too f^cked up.

:')

I've read everything. From your tweets, tumblr posts and mail. I'm trying to comprehend everything and i'd like to ask for an apology ahead because i'm afraid i'm not gonna be able to reply to it anytime soon. For a number of reasons that is. I just want you to know that I understand you more than you think I can. And whatever they say does not really matter. There's nothing to be sorry about but there's a lot of things to be thankful for. You're one of it. Today, I want you to promise me you'll be happy. Promise me. :') Stay safe, Beautiful! :')

P.S. Adieu, Au Revoir

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Hoohayyyy

I once asked her about the title of a certain song in her blog. Se answered me but I forgot what it was. So then I "yahooed" it. Jk. I googled it. :') Then I told myself, maybe the reason why I forgot the title is that my mind doesn't adhere to the idea of the song's very title. Yeah right! I remember everything that she says apart from this. Weird, funny, I don't know. Mixed emotions. So yeah, the title is "Goodbye". It's a really nice song. The melody, rhythm. lyrics, everything! It's kind of sad though (that's an understatement) but because it is upbeat, it entices someone to listen to it fully. :') Like meeeee. :'D I listen to it always (but I make sure nobody's listening, they might think, yeah, that. :'D). I'm quite not sure na nga of my gender now. HAHAHAHA. I kid. :P

So here's the lyrics if ever you haven't heard of it pa. Pero I bet you guys aren't as kawawa as me man when it comes to songs. :D


The hope is fading from my lips
When I kiss you with goodbye
Now when you let go of our last embrace
Please don't look me in the eye
Secret's out, that I just might care about you
You broke me, you're leaving 
There's nothing I can do
I'll find a way to close the door
I want to say so much more but
I found you once, you're lost again
Two thousand miles took what could have been
I don't want to 
Won't let myself
I have to realize
This might be
This could be
This is goodbye
This is goodbye
The smile fate was wearing, slowly die
Minutes turn to months
Silence of the phone just mocks my cry
When I see that you've moved on
Secret's out that I did care about you
You broke me, you left me
There was nothing I could do
I'll find a way to close the door
I want to say so much more but
I found you once, you're lost again
Two thousand miles took what could have been
I don't want to 
Won't let myself
I have to realize
This might be
This could be
This is goodbye
Do I ever cross your mind?
Cause you're on mine all the time
I can't believe how unfair life is sometimes
Find a way to close the door
And be okay with nothing more but
Found you once, you're lost again
Two thousand miles took what could have been
I don't want to 
Won't let myself
I have to realize
This might be
This could be
This is goodbye
This is goodbye
The hope is fading from my lips
So there. Sad noh? Or it's just me who's feeling it? :'D Anyway, wala akong nagawa na productive today. :/ Might as well save myself from feeling asdfghjkl. --" SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD really. Boset. T_________________T I could just die now. F^ck this life. :'/ </3 K. THANKS. BYE. :(

Till OUR heartaches end


I was about to eat lunch (yeah it's past 1 already but I have not yet eaten my lunch) when I saw a blog entitled Till My Heartches End (A Movie Review). After reading the title, I knew right there and then that there's something more about it. I said, no, this couldn't be just a movie review.  So, without having second thoughts, I read it. And voila, I must admit, I was stunned. Amazed, really. The writer is really good. I don't wanna name her because she's living a very private life. But I want to reblog this because it's a good read. For those who are experiencing this as of the moment, you'll definitely agree with me. :') HAHA. Again, this is not mine, I'm just reblogging it. So here it goes:


Till My Heartaches End (A Movie Review)
How can a few hour talk in a coffee shop abruptly put an end to a relationship that lasted for years?
Till my Heartaches End is definitely one of the most realistic Filipino movies that I have ever seen. This flick, a hit last October 2010, is a movie worth watching. I've honestly watched this movie thrice: first was with him, second was with a friend and the latest.. Okay. I watched it alone - just a few hours ago. I watched it again since I don't wanna be biased with Paolo Barredo (Gerald Anderson) and his intense belief of DESTINY. I tried to be keen with all his actions, arguments and what made him decide to finally.. just.. okay. LATER. 

I'll give its movie trailer a 10/10 rating. The lines are something that you guys could possibly relate.

Every relationship starts with a beautiful beginning.. 
a woman who never knew love until she met him..
And a man who found love when she believed in him..

But when his dreams became more than she could take,
She wanted love more than he could give.

When a relationship is bound to end, 
Will you fight for it and stay? 
or will you choose to walk away?

The movie used the flashback device or whatever you call that style. Paolo Barredo, portrayed by Gerald Anderson and Agnes Ramos, starred by Kim Chiu were talking in a coffee shop. It was a sort of an infamous CLOSURE that every lover is afraid of. To quote Star Cinema's plot, "Despite the love they still both have for each other, one must choose to decide when to let go even if the other is still holding on."

The relationship seemed to be so beautiful in the beginning. Agnes was living a simple life until she met Paolo who happened to give the world to her. Everything was awesome and sweet as if they were like lying on a bed full of roses. He loved her. She loved him. Until finally - Paolo's shining dreams were actualizing and were falling into reality. Agnes failed to understand. Paolo failed to make her understand. Things went wrong since then and I can't put into words how the relationship was totally bruised like hell.

I wanna quote lots of lines from the movie but I find these two really worth mentioning. Let me start with Agnes first. When she went home from their amazing break up, she was crying to death. Her winning line was: "Ayaw niya na po sa akin. Ang sakit sakit." For Paolo, his line was something like "Nakasakit ako ng babae na mahal na mahal ako." 

Obviously, with the above mentioned lines, you would certainly know who let go. It's Paolo Barredo, Darling. At some point, you may blame him for giving the world to Agnes.. for making her fall in love with him deeply and then suddenly, like a shattered glass, Agnes was left empty when Paolo finally decided to dump her courageously. On the other hand, you may also blame Agnes for making him his world and for being too paranoid with the relationship that they're in. 

Sometimes, we realize that staying together is no longer an option. I think it's really that painful but it's totally something that one has to deal about. Perhaps love is still there but the circumstances don't really permit the love story we may have always wanted. 

Nonetheless, I am a bit confused with the movie's ending. Their paths crossed again with Paolo kissing Agnes' forehead. What does that mean? I don't know!!! Hahaha. If I were Agnes, I won't allow Paolo to kiss me.. I won't allow him to kiss me sa forehead lang. I want sa lips!!!!! Hahaha. Kidding. I was just trying to divert the super kaduper serious tone of this post. 

I demand a Part 2 of this film. Who knows? They still might end up together. In the long run, even if you'll claim that love is a choice, destiny will still play and make your paths cross. 

:')

Something random; really random


Hi! I intentionally did not go to school today 'cause I didn't feel like seeing a lot of people. What an awful way to start a week. Anyway, I really don't know where to start from here. So, i'm just gonna write about super random things. There's an examination comin' up tomorrow and I am not in the mood to study. We're going out of the country this Christmas break and I am not even excited about it. I have f^ckin' colds and i'm really f^cked up. Now, that was more than random. :'D

Okay. Brain cooperate. Coherence this time please. :'D SO! SO! Haha. K, the laugh isn't necessary. Sorry! I'm gonna talk about PABLO. Ay no. Nerdy talks are sh*t. FAMILY? Ay, that's even more bull sh*t! That asdfghjkl feeling when you see your fhgoihdfgihdfoihgs dad fhgsidhfgjdshfsjhgos other women. WHAT THE FAAAAAAAAK! >< K. Kung naintindihan mo, WOW! You know me well. :') Next, ahm, STUDIES? Really, no! I messed up man. T___T Gonna make bawi pa. :'/ But i'm not inspired man oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. Whatever. FRIENDS? Oh sh*t, do I have one? I kid. Yeah, they're I don't know. They're "concerned" about me so much. Thanks ha? TALAGA. In a lil sarcastic way. --,, Sorry, i'm just being honest. I still feel damn bad about it. Really bad.

Ahh yeah. I'm really sorry about these things i'm blabbering. Hindi naman siguro masyadong halata noh na i'm down in the dumps. T____T Wait lng, kakapasok lng ng news. Signal number 2 na ang ibang bahagi ng Northern Mindanao, please, INGAT KA...YO jan! Our prayers are with you!

Now ah. . .K. May naisip na ako na topic. :'D My sister and I used to talk whether 3-month rule is really necessary. Sa relationships ha. Well then you know, personally, I don't believe in this 3-month rule but I must say, I really adore those who try to keep this. The best reason perhaps for following such is RESPECT. I have been in the world of love and relationship for about 7 years? Haha. Yeah 7 years. It was but a heck of a roller coaster ride of emotions. I've experienced all the extremes, trust me. Pero know what? Ni isa sa mga naging ex ko, hindi ever sumunod sa infamous rule na yan. :'D Got used to it though kaya nga ngayon, kahit masakit parang wala lang. Dinidedma ko nlng. :'| Well, sabi nga ng isa kong kaibigan na babae "3 months isn't enough to help you find yourself again. To better yourself, a lot of prayer is involved. While you're in the process of healing, it is but fair to show respect to the person you used to love. You need not rush things. Find strength in God, your family and friends. If you want to date again, don't immediately commit." I say, akala mo ganun lang yun kadali? To those who are in deep pain like me, kulang na kulang na kulang na kulang na kulang na kulang ang 3 months. I think it'll take me the whole of 2013 to move on. And yeah, i'm not gonna date anybody anytime soon yet. NOT HIRING! Kawawa kasi yung susunod sa kanya. I might not be able to show her true love. Buti nlng wala kesa maglokohan. The thought of staying single scares me before. But now? I don't give a damn about it. So what kung wala akong ka date sa Feb 14? So what kung wala akong ka HHWW? Hahahaha. Wala lang. Natawa ako. :'D

I really don't have any idea on how to end this post. But maybe I won't end this without telling you that there is a unique feeling of happiness and strength in letting go. As I always say, "wanting you to be happy is better than wanting you". It's really hard to fight against destiny. Really! But you see, if she's for you, then God will find a way to let your paths cross. When that time comes, huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuug her tight! Haha. I kid. That's DESTINY, baby. :')

Friday, November 30, 2012

A picture is worth a thousand words

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FACEBOOK

What would you do if the person who you think could cure all the pain is the one you couldn't ever have? Frustrating eh? </3 Anyway, i'm not in the mood to talk about that right now. Today isn't just the right timing. On the flipped side however, i'm gonna share an article i've read in the newspaper earlier (last week pa toh na issue pero ngayon ko pa nabasa :D). This one's really worth reading and somehow I can relate myself to it. :')

x X x

Why am I still friends on FB with my ex, my current girlfriend wants to know. Here’s how social media can make relationships more complicated





Eric, 17, was texting furiously while we waited in line to watch an action flick in the mall. His new girlfriend was angry with him; he had not yet updated his relationship status on Facebook.
Now, Eric is a handsome chinito who probably has more female friends than male friends on his Facebook account. Not a single day goes by without a posting on his Wall from one of these female friends expressing admiration for Eric.
Among these female friends online is his current girlfriend, who, minutes after she accepted Eric as her boyfriend, updated her relationship status, tagging Eric. He has not yet approved the tag, nor has he changed his relationship status on the popular social media website. Now, she’s furious over it.
I couldn’t help but feel sorry for Eric. I had been in the same situation, although I think, unlike me, Eric had it coming. You couldn’t punish a man for being good looking, but when a girl feels wronged, she is often wronged. That’s why, unlike Eric, I had totally dropped off the edge of the digital planet. I have no Facebook account, and  bliss quickly took over my two-year relationship.
If you are on Facebook and are currently in a relationship, chances are you have experienced a fight over a status. Worse, you and your girlfriend would have fought over a “like” of some sexy photo your female friend posted.
Much ado
One could argue that you shouldn’t be doing it, but it seems justified to rail that there has already been much ado over an overexcited comment on your ex’s post. But hey, why are you even friends with your ex? Why not, I say!
I had been in the same situation as Eric. Somehow, that is. That’s why early this year, I deleted my Facebook account. Deactivated it, actually, but don’t tell my girlfriend that. You see, I’m friends with my ex-girlfriend. It was quite a long relationship, so there’s bound to be some feelings left, or maybe it’s just really deep friendship between the two of us. We went to the same school, and had some common friends who we have both known for years. So, I was thinking that somehow it was  inevitable that we would bump into each other, so we might as well be friends on Facebook.  As Spock would have said, it’s only logical, right?
If only  it was that simple.  I posted a photo of mine one day. Lo and behold! My ex-girlfriend was the first one to comment on it. She cracked a joke, which I thought was funny, so I liked it and posted my own comment to her comment. Well, it isn’t like we’re strangers. Clearly we had much to say to each other; we were together for  a long time.  I was happily exchanging comments with my ex-girlfriend when I was notified that my current girlfriend liked one of my comments!
I already smelled trouble somehow, but being the optimist that I am, I continued my exchange with my ex. I would later on realize that a like is not a green light to continue. It’s more like, “I know what you’re up to.  You better stop it.” Of course, I didn’t know it then, so I got into trouble with my present girlfriend for it.
Just when I thought that the storm had passed, another one hit me, with a stronger signal. You see, Facebook has this way of thwarting the continuum of time. You can’t actually say past is past, since a quick scroll down your Timeline reveals a comprehensive overview of what you had been doing on social media.
Worse, Facebook  has a way of bringing up the past. For example, when a friend makes a new comment on your old photo, it would reappear on your News Feed. It becomes current news on your and your friends’ News Feed.
This introduces a whole new problem when trying to bury the past, hidden from the mind of your somewhat love-crazed girlfriend. Old wounds could easily be opened, even after you have successfully healed it with a romantic harana outside her house. It may have been forgiven, but it will never be forgotten. Thanks to Facebook.
Undone
Some time after the first storm had already passed, my ex-girlfriend posted a new comment on some photos.  It was then republished on my News Feed as well as on my girlfriend’s.  All the work that a dozen red roses had done to get it behind us was undone by a single comment. We fought again because she thought that I was rekindling my romance with my ex-girlfriend. Why am I even friends with her in the first place, she asked. I said, we’re just friends. Besides, it’s only Facebook.
It wasn’t our last fight, nor was it the worst. But I thought it illustrated how Facebook “digitalized” (and supposedly simplified) our relationship with other people. I thought it was a whole new way of relating to other people, free from the drama of the real world. But it turned out to be basically the same story, except that, since info travels much more faster, it also complicates things faster.
The funny thing is, guys easily dismiss their digital “indiscretion” as if it’s far removed from the real world, although they are experiencing its pervasiveness and potential to complicate the real world at the moment.
So, after a few more fights, made all the more exhausting because I thought we were fighting over a petty thing, I deleted my Facebook account. We still fight, though not as often as we did when I was hyper-connected with my friends digitally. Occasionally, I  activate my account quickly just to check on the lives of friends, but only when she’s asleep and wouldn’t know.
We were nearing the entrance when Eric decided to turned off his cell phone, and for a while forget about his new girlfriend, who just wouldn’t let the matter go. He would soon face the music, though, but at least, for now, he could watch the movie with us. Besides, I told him my experience after we went out for coffee. I hope he’ll be better equipped to handle it. If not, he still has those expressive eyes and winning smile.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

OURS

I have never felt anything like this before. I'm good with just about anything, I'm very confident and yet when it comes to you, I seem to go asdfghjkl loco! :'D Oh well. I'm excited about something. I feel ecstatic yet nervous about it. Sunday, come fast and be good to me. :'* As they say, there's always a FIRST TIME. We'll be having OURS. ^____^

I miss you

Hello thereThe angel from my nightmareThe shadow in the background of the morgueThe unsuspecting victimOf darkness in the valleyWe can live like Jack and SallyIf we wantWhere you can always find meAnd we'll have halloween on christmasAnd in the night we'll wish this never endsWe'll wish this never ends
I miss you(I miss you)
Where are you?And I'm so sorryI cannot sleepI cannot dream tonightI need somebody and alwaysThis 6 string's darknessComes creeping on so haunting every timeAnd as I stared I countedThe webs from all the spidersCatching things and eating their insidesLike indecision to call youAnd hear your voice of treasonWill you come homeAnd stop this pain tonight?Stop this pain tonight
Don't waste your time on meYou're already the voice inside my head(I miss you)Don't waste your time on meYou're already the voice inside my head(I miss you)

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

This one's for you

Dahil hindi ako makatulog, surf ng surf lng ako sa net tapos accidentally or whatever you'd want to call it, nabasa ko blog mo for me. First thing's first. Thank you po! Kasi kahit na hindi kita napapansin, nandiyan ka lang parati for me. Sorry din if ever you find me "snob". Hindi ko lang po talaga ugali na alam mo na. I mean, may instances kasi dba na kung mapalapit loob ng tao sayo, baka mahulog, masaktan mo pa. Iniiwasan ko po talaga yun. In your case, talagang hindi kita napansin dati kasi nature ko po talaga yun. I only talk to people close to me. Minsan nga kahit barkada ko, di ko pinapansin. :'D Sorry talaga. Second, I appreciate the things na ginawa mo for me. Kahit na hindi ko masusuklian yung pagmamahal mo, know that I'm one of the people who appreciates your worth as a person and most importantly as a lady. Remember what I said? Someday you'll find the right guy for you. Don't chase love. Wait for it. Thank you so much. I'm writing this blog with a grateful heart and I want you to know that this one's for you. :)

P.S. Wala akong FB at Twitter. Okay? and, I'm not a texter. Pero inform me if birthday mo, I'll greet. That's a promise. ^___^ HAHA. :')

and one more thing. . .this made me laugh:


"dahil sa ex nya kaya sya nawala../imissyou so much Jonas :'("


HAHA :D nakakatuwa ka naman. ^____^ ex pa tuloy. :'P TAKE CARE! God bless you!

A F^ckin' Fact

I hate the fact that the person i'm thinking of always doesn't think that i'm thinking of her. ><
I hate the fact that I have to put extra effort just to know what the hell is going on with your life. (May private2 ka pang nalalaman--". Too bad. I'm the kind of guy who will do anything just to know kung kamusta ka na.)
I hate the fact that despite and in spite of everything, I still care.
I hate the fact that I am supposed to hate you but I can't because you are so dear to me.
I hate the fact that I'm still tanga after all the things that happened.
I hate the fact that I get hurt whenever I hear your name.
I hate the fact that it's not me who's taking care of you.
Above all, I hate the fact that my heart still longs for you. I keep teaching it to forget you but it seems to have a mind of it's own. I can't blame it though. I'm still into you and that's a FUCKIN' FACT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, November 25, 2012

It couldn't be with me

I heard you like PURPLE AND GREY combined. So I tried.

Matutulog na dapat ako, pero may isang tao na hanggang ngayon di pa rin umaalis sa isipan ko. :/ I'm pretty sure marami-rami na rin ang naka experience nito. No matter how hard you try, you just can't help but think of that person over and over again even if the thought of him/her kills you already.

Ang pinakaayaw ko sa lahat yung mag move on. Lalo na kung wala naman talaga dapat kalimutan kasi in the first place wala naman talagang "KAYO" na nangyari. Uso na ba yan ngayon? Naman oh, sumabay pa ako. Di ko alam, ang sakit pala. Yung nagmamahal ka pero walang commitment. Yung nagmamahal ka pero wala naman palang patutunguhan. Yung nagmamahal ka pero hanggang dun nlng talaga. </3

Grabeh ako magmahal. Loyal kung loyal. Kaya kung masaktan din, WAGAS. I've been single for almost 2 years now. Pero sa panahong yun, may minahal naman ako ng sobra. Hinding-hindi ko pagsisihan na minahal ko siya. My only regret is losing her for another man.

Kagabi, I went out with some guy friends to find consolation. For the first time, nalasing ako ng di ko namalayan. I don't really drink pero kinailangan kong gawin para may pag hugutan ako ng lakas ng loob at masabi ko lahat ng nararamdaman ko. I didn't cry though. Hindi dahil sa nahiya ako sa mga kaibigan ko pero siguro dahil nasanay na ako sa sakit at naubusan na ako ng luha na maaari pang ilabas.

I went home at 3am kanina. At sa pag-uwi ko, iniwanan ko ng isang tanong ang mga kaibigan ko: "Does loving mean letting go? Or holding on?" Hindi ko na hinintay ang sagot nila. Sabog na sabog na ako and I needed to drive myself home. Thank God I arrived safe and sound.

Paggising ko kaninang umaga, una kong kinuha cellphone ko. Di ko alam bakit. Unusual nga eh. Pero siguro batid ng utak ko na sinagot ng mga kaibigan ko ang tanong ko. Well, iba-iba sagot nila. Lahat convincing kaya mas lalo akong nalito. Pero medyo nalinawan naman ang pag-iisip ko.

Like Bob Marley, I believe that only once in your life that you'll find someone who could completely turn your world around. Only once will you ever find someone you'd share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never and will never be achieved and the many disappointments life has and will throw at you.

Know what, I cannot help but see Blair in you and Chuck in me. These lines make me wanna cry a river of tears:

Blair: Why did you just do that?
Chuck: Because of what you said earlier.
Blair: About being happy? Chuck, that’s not the most important thing. People don’t write sonnets about being compatible, or novels about shared life goals and stimulating conversation. The great loves are the crazy ones. L’amour fou.
Chuck: Blair we’re not living in Paris in the 20s.
Blair: We both wish we were.
Chuck: There’s a difference between a great love and the right love. I left the Empire State Building last year after two minutes when you didn’t show. Louis waited all night. This is your chance at happiness. You think you shouldn’t want it ‘cause you’ve never had it and it scares you. But you deserve your fairytale.
Blair: We make our own fairytales.
Chuck: Only when we have to. You don’t. How do you feel about tonight?
Blair: Awful. I just… terrible. In fact I’ve never, felt like this before.
Chuck: Guilt. I feel it too. Maybe I’m actually growing up after all.
Blair: I didn’t wanna let you go just yet.
Chuck: Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not powerful. You’re the most powerful woman I know.
Blair: It’s taking all the power I have to walk away from you.
Chuck: I know. But I need to let you go. You need to let go.
Blair: I will always love you.
Chuck: I will always love you.


Ay that shit. </3


YOU know what, MY WORLD could have been a lot easier if I did not know you. That's very true. But, it wouldn't be MY WORLD WITHOUT YOU IN IT. So nevertheless, I am grateful.

Girl, I wanted to tell you things that I've never shared with another soul. I so wanted that when something wonderful happens to me, you'd be the first person to know it. I keep on dreaming about so many things that could possibly happen between you and me if given the chance. But damn, everything just ended so soon.

Yung sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon, talo pa yung previous relationships ko ah. T_T Grabeh ang tama ko sayo. :( Alam ko naghintay ka, at sorry kung nainip ka. Pero isang bagay ang tinitiyak ko sayo. Ang lalaki, pag nagmahal ng tunay, di basta-bastang nakakapagsabi ng tunay na nararamdaman. Kaya kung may makilala ka in the future, tas the next day sasabihin niyang mahal ka niya, wag kang maniwala.

Tama na siguro sa mga hinanakit ko. Wala naman tong patutunguhan. :( Masasabi ko lng, CONGRATS! Sana maging masaya ka. No joke. I really wish you two well. Sana rin tumagal kayo. 

Sakit mag mahal ng isang tulad mo. Hirap kalimutan pero para sayo, kakayanin ko. Promise ko, hindi kita guguluhin. Promise ko, pipilitin kong maging maligaya para sayo.

I may not be able to open my heart for a new lover right now, but someday, I will.

For the last time, THANK YOU! We might not have spent REAL TIME TOGETHER but I was contented in just having you in my heart. Things that never interested me before became fascinating to me because I knew they're important to you.

It's really difficult to move on and forget my feelings for you because I think of of you on every occasion and in everything that I do. Simple things bring the thought of you to my mind; like when I see a doodle, a skull, a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon.

The day I have loved you, I opened my heart to the chance that it may be broken one day. I knew that it'll cause me too much pain but I didn't mind. I didn't listen to what my friends said. I didn't give a damn of what the people think about me.

I AM REALLY IN PAIN RIGHT NOW but the experience of love and joy I felt with you surpasses the feeling of hatred. UNTIL NOW, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HATE YOU. :( Until now, I am IN LOVE WITH YOU. T_T

But you see, things are quite different. In just a snap, you found a replacement. I mean, there's nothing to replace because I never had that spot in your life. But really, it hurts. IT FUCKINGLY HURTS. T_T

Go on now with your life. Always remember, I ONLY WANTED YOU TO BE HAPPY. I'M SO SORRY IF IT COULDN'T BE WITH ME. <////3

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Para sayo

So there's this girl, she makes me write love letters. She makes me cry, she makes me smile and above anything else, she makes me go zxcvbnm. :'D Intindihin niyo nlng. :P
















She celebrated her 18th birthday last October 23, and I don't know why life is so bastos that all the things I planned, failed. (dba Jhen?) T_T Anyway, I'm trying to make bawi kahit nasa ospital ako ngayon. Buti pa dito may net sa bahay wala. </3 Tssss.

Okay. So, I'm an expert in playing with words. I'm an expert in combining even the simplest words and making them sound oh-so-good. But not anyone can make me do that. Just her. :') But today, i'm not gonna blabber about how wonderful a girl she is because i'm pretty sure that everyone knows that already. I'm going to go beyond my comfort zone. I'm going to act brave and show the world something I made for her. (Seriously, naiiyak ako sa kaba.) Haha. :'D Hindi po kagandahan ang ginawa ko. Hindi po talaga. Pero masasabi kong nag effort naman ako.

To be downright honest, I'm good with my hands but I'm not good in drawing. :D Well, kaya ko naman kung mga linya lang eh pero kung dadagdagan na ng mga bilog at ibang hugis, Diyos ko, wag nalng. Pero dahil nga mahilig siyang mag doodle, gumawa ako ng FIRST doodle ko for her. Naaaaah ui. Haha. Natatawa ako sa ginawa ko. I don't know if my drawing can give justice to the doodle world. :D T_T Sorry talaga pero ito lng nakaya ng creativity ko. Hahaha. :D

No one has ever made me draw kasi aside sa pangit, (HAHA) ayoko talaga, kahit mag try man lang. Pero para sayo, kinaya ko. Chos. :D Alam kong di mo magugustuhan pero bahala na. Haha. :P Promise, gagaling pa ako. Gagalingan ko pa sa susunod para sayo. ^__^ I'll do better next time. Tawa ka muna kasi alam kong matatawa ka sa ginawa ko. Haha. (Lord ui, T_T) Pero okay lng. Nyahaha.

So ito na. . . T_T





























Yung nag tetext tayo tas sabi ko na may ginagawa ako sa kwarto? Ito yun. Haha. SORRY. T_T Belated Happy 18th Birthday, Beautiful! :') :'*

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

From the bottom of my heart


Since yesterday, I've been dreaming about you. I've been dreaming about you and me, cuddling, living life as if it's our last, and loving like there's nothing more to do but to love. Life really is unfair eh? The moment you've decided to forget a fragment of your memory, the more it reminds you of the things you shouldn't. I'm not saying I want to forget you, I just want to forget that I have once loved you.

All these time, I know it's my fault. I never thought of the possibility of losing you for another. I never thought of getting hurt and hurting you as well. I never thought of falling into you this much. I never thought of it ending oh-so-soon.

As they say, people come and people go. Well, it's true. Some are meant to stay forever but others are meant to pass for a while just to add spice to your life. Maybe, you and I belong to the latter. Maybe you and I aren't going any further. Maybe you and I are not really destined to be together.

I'm saying goodbye to my selfishness. I want you to go on with your life. I don't want to be the reason for your misery anymore. I could've done more but I didn't do anything. I wasn't able to prove my love for you. And for that, I believe, I don't deserve you. Someone else does. I think. :(

Things will change as they always will. Feelings we once nurtured and held true may be made obsolete with newer and better ones. I don't blame you for finding consolation from another, I don't blame you for loving another. I am incapable of giving you the kind of love and happiness you have ever dreamed of. My incapability is even an understatement. :(

All these uncomfortable situations have fed my thoughts to grow. In retrospect, I thought that time will freeze to those merry days with you and things will be like as it was since Day 1. Well, my thoughts turned out to be it's exact opposite. There are things we cannot do but surrender unto. These things have boiled down to a humbling realization that your love does not revolve around me.

From the bottom of my heart, you deserve nothing less but to be the happiest girl you can ever be. Go forth and be with the person who can truly show you that he loves you more than these words could ever mean. Go and spend each day with genuine happiness and love. Go and love him as much as he loves you. Go. . .but don't ever dare to forget me. :') 

Again, people come and go. You came, and now, i'm letting you go. Know however, that you have left an indelible lesson and memory that I will bear for the rest of my life.

Distance may sprawl a thousand miles and both of us may stand on different grounds, but you and I just fall under one same sky. We see the same stars and the moon hover, and we will always be connected with each other.

From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry, thank you and I love you, my fairly beloved, and now, my good old friend. :') <'3

-DFWP-