Bitter sweet

This day was spent like 20% blogging, 20% surfing/stalking/goofing, 30% praying, 10% eating, and 20% sleeping. I am in the part now wherein i'm gonna write what I feel inside, sleep it away and hopefully when I wake up, start movin' on just like you.

A friend texted me early this morning informing me that the quiz was given as a take home exam by our prof. She's so kind to have placed my email add in the paper where they were writing (again, thanks to you) and so I didn't have to prep up for school. Thanks to her I didn't have to go to the campus and see faces I hate to see for the time being.

The quiz turned take home exam defeats now the promise I made to myself. The London thing and the deactivate everything thing. Fate knows how to play well, eh?

To cut the crap, i'm writing this one LAST blog post to give myself the closure I need. I've been praying for enlightenment the day everything started to fall apart and I guess He answered me just when I visited the church this afternoon.

I stayed there for a couple of hours, attended 2 masses and a half and voila, SANITY's back. :') I'm not saying that in just a snap, my world turned into something quite different but I guess what I felt there was a stronger me, a light-hearted me, a better me.

Heartbreaks tend to make people bitter. I really was, yet I told myself I would never stay bitter for long. Fighting against what your heart desires, is like the HARDEST thing ever. It's like trying to fight a new born - YOU JUST CAN'T. It's like reaching for the skies - QUITE IMPOSSIBLE. But no matter how hard, how impossible or how devastating it may become, you just have to hold on to that one fact that could help you go on with your life - THE PERSON YOU LOVE IS HAPPY NOW, SO YOU SHOULD ALSO BE.

Loving is painful. But it's better than feeling nothing at all. Love has taught me a lot of things. And it still continues to teach me lessons for life. I've lost friends because of love. I've lost myself because of love. However, it is to be noted that because of love also, I found myself again. That love I am referring to now is love for oneself.

I have to love myself in order for me to pick up the pieces and make 'em whole again. I have to love myself so that one day I can open my heart again for someone I am going to spend eternity with.

All my love experiences are unique and great in there own ways. But this one's something I'd never forget until my deathbed. This one's gonna be treasured 'til I finally find someone who'll mend my broken heart. :')

Our love failed, but the feeling goes on. I don't know for how long but I am quite certain that it'll take me too much time. It's not an easy process but I know I can. You made it so I think I'll make it too.

I think every word that has been said are really meant. So, i'm taking an exit. From now on, i'm not gonna send questions like 'musta' or whatsoever to you anymore. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna haunt you with the memory I might bring. I'm not gonna bother your life and the people in it. And as you wish, I WILL STAY AWAY FROM YOU. Feel free to forget that once in your life, you met a stupid Jonas. Forget that I even exist.

Before I finally end this post, I want you to know that everything I felt was real; just like you. And please, don't be too unfair in saying that it was my intention of hurting you because I have never thought of that ever since. Your happiness is so important to me that I'm letting you go now.

So there.

A lot of thanks to the girl who meant the world to me for almost 2 years now. A lot of apologies to that same girl who I have disappointed for so many times. And a lot of hugs from me to you for eternity. Take care of yourself, you know me so well that I don't have to tell you what taking care is, the pogi-pretty way. A part of me will always be in love with you, too. Thank you, thank you, thank you! This is really goodbye. It HURTS but all I know is that loving YOU is BITTER SWEET. *insert a river of Jonas' tears here*

Wo ai ni! <3 *insert You and I collide here*


P.S. Let's be happy. Let's smile. Let's make the best of who we are, pogi! :')