It couldn't be with me

I heard you like PURPLE AND GREY combined. So I tried.

Matutulog na dapat ako, pero may isang tao na hanggang ngayon di pa rin umaalis sa isipan ko. :/ I'm pretty sure marami-rami na rin ang naka experience nito. No matter how hard you try, you just can't help but think of that person over and over again even if the thought of him/her kills you already.

Ang pinakaayaw ko sa lahat yung mag move on. Lalo na kung wala naman talaga dapat kalimutan kasi in the first place wala naman talagang "KAYO" na nangyari. Uso na ba yan ngayon? Naman oh, sumabay pa ako. Di ko alam, ang sakit pala. Yung nagmamahal ka pero walang commitment. Yung nagmamahal ka pero wala naman palang patutunguhan. Yung nagmamahal ka pero hanggang dun nlng talaga. </3

Grabeh ako magmahal. Loyal kung loyal. Kaya kung masaktan din, WAGAS. I've been single for almost 2 years now. Pero sa panahong yun, may minahal naman ako ng sobra. Hinding-hindi ko pagsisihan na minahal ko siya. My only regret is losing her for another man.

Kagabi, I went out with some guy friends to find consolation. For the first time, nalasing ako ng di ko namalayan. I don't really drink pero kinailangan kong gawin para may pag hugutan ako ng lakas ng loob at masabi ko lahat ng nararamdaman ko. I didn't cry though. Hindi dahil sa nahiya ako sa mga kaibigan ko pero siguro dahil nasanay na ako sa sakit at naubusan na ako ng luha na maaari pang ilabas.

I went home at 3am kanina. At sa pag-uwi ko, iniwanan ko ng isang tanong ang mga kaibigan ko: "Does loving mean letting go? Or holding on?" Hindi ko na hinintay ang sagot nila. Sabog na sabog na ako and I needed to drive myself home. Thank God I arrived safe and sound.

Paggising ko kaninang umaga, una kong kinuha cellphone ko. Di ko alam bakit. Unusual nga eh. Pero siguro batid ng utak ko na sinagot ng mga kaibigan ko ang tanong ko. Well, iba-iba sagot nila. Lahat convincing kaya mas lalo akong nalito. Pero medyo nalinawan naman ang pag-iisip ko.

Like Bob Marley, I believe that only once in your life that you'll find someone who could completely turn your world around. Only once will you ever find someone you'd share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never and will never be achieved and the many disappointments life has and will throw at you.

Know what, I cannot help but see Blair in you and Chuck in me. These lines make me wanna cry a river of tears:

Blair: Why did you just do that?

Chuck: Because of what you said earlier.

Blair: About being happy? Chuck, that’s not the most important thing. People don’t write sonnets about being compatible, or novels about shared life goals and stimulating conversation. The great loves are the crazy ones. L’amour fou.

Chuck: Blair we’re not living in Paris in the 20s.

Blair: We both wish we were.

Chuck: There’s a difference between a great love and the right love. I left the Empire State Building last year after two minutes when you didn’t show. Louis waited all night. This is your chance at happiness. You think you shouldn’t want it ‘cause you’ve never had it and it scares you. But you deserve your fairytale.

Blair: We make our own fairytales.

Chuck: Only when we have to. You don’t. How do you feel about tonight?

Blair: Awful. I just… terrible. In fact I’ve never, felt like this before.

Chuck: Guilt. I feel it too. Maybe I’m actually growing up after all.

Blair: I didn’t wanna let you go just yet.

Chuck: Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not powerful. You’re the most powerful woman I know.

Blair: It’s taking all the power I have to walk away from you.

Chuck: I know. But I need to let you go. You need to let go.

Blair: I will always love you.

Chuck: I will always love you.

Ay that shit. </3

YOU know what, MY WORLD could have been a lot easier if I did not know you. That's very true. But, it wouldn't be MY WORLD WITHOUT YOU IN IT. So nevertheless, I am grateful.

Girl, I wanted to tell you things that I've never shared with another soul. I so wanted that when something wonderful happens to me, you'd be the first person to know it. I keep on dreaming about so many things that could possibly happen between you and me if given the chance. But damn, everything just ended so soon.

Yung sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon, talo pa yung previous relationships ko ah. T_T Grabeh ang tama ko sayo. :( Alam ko naghintay ka, at sorry kung nainip ka. Pero isang bagay ang tinitiyak ko sayo. Ang lalaki, pag nagmahal ng tunay, di basta-bastang nakakapagsabi ng tunay na nararamdaman. Kaya kung may makilala ka in the future, tas the next day sasabihin niyang mahal ka niya, wag kang maniwala.

Tama na siguro sa mga hinanakit ko. Wala naman tong patutunguhan. :( Masasabi ko lng, CONGRATS! Sana maging masaya ka. No joke. I really wish you two well. Sana rin tumagal kayo. 

Sakit mag mahal ng isang tulad mo. Hirap kalimutan pero para sayo, kakayanin ko. Promise ko, hindi kita guguluhin. Promise ko, pipilitin kong maging maligaya para sayo.

I may not be able to open my heart for a new lover right now, but someday, I will.

For the last time, THANK YOU! We might not have spent REAL TIME TOGETHER but I was contented in just having you in my heart. Things that never interested me before became fascinating to me because I knew they're important to you.

It's really difficult to move on and forget my feelings for you because I think of of you on every occasion and in everything that I do. Simple things bring the thought of you to my mind; like when I see a doodle, a skull, a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon.

The day I have loved you, I opened my heart to the chance that it may be broken one day. I knew that it'll cause me too much pain but I didn't mind. I didn't listen to what my friends said. I didn't give a damn of what the people think about me.

I AM REALLY IN PAIN RIGHT NOW but the experience of love and joy I felt with you surpasses the feeling of hatred. UNTIL NOW, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HATE YOU. :( Until now, I am IN LOVE WITH YOU. T_T

But you see, things are quite different. In just a snap, you found a replacement. I mean, there's nothing to replace because I never had that spot in your life. But really, it hurts. IT FUCKINGLY HURTS. T_T

Go on now with your life. Always remember, I ONLY WANTED YOU TO BE HAPPY. I'M SO SORRY IF IT COULDN'T BE WITH ME. <////3