Bitter sweet

This day was spent like 20% blogging, 20% surfing/stalking/goofing, 30% praying, 10% eating, and 20% sleeping. I am in the part now wherein i'm gonna write what I feel inside, sleep it away and hopefully when I wake up, start movin' on just like you.

A friend texted me early this morning informing me that the quiz was given as a take home exam by our prof. She's so kind to have placed my email add in the paper where they were writing (again, thanks to you) and so I didn't have to prep up for school. Thanks to her I didn't have to go to the campus and see faces I hate to see for the time being.

The quiz turned take home exam defeats now the promise I made to myself. The London thing and the deactivate everything thing. Fate knows how to play well, eh?

To cut the crap, i'm writing this one LAST blog post to give myself the closure I need. I've been praying for enlightenment the day everything started to fall apart and I guess He answered me just when I visited the church this afternoon.

I stayed there for a couple of hours, attended 2 masses and a half and voila, SANITY's back. :') I'm not saying that in just a snap, my world turned into something quite different but I guess what I felt there was a stronger me, a light-hearted me, a better me.

Heartbreaks tend to make people bitter. I really was, yet I told myself I would never stay bitter for long. Fighting against what your heart desires, is like the HARDEST thing ever. It's like trying to fight a new born - YOU JUST CAN'T. It's like reaching for the skies - QUITE IMPOSSIBLE. But no matter how hard, how impossible or how devastating it may become, you just have to hold on to that one fact that could help you go on with your life - THE PERSON YOU LOVE IS HAPPY NOW, SO YOU SHOULD ALSO BE.

Loving is painful. But it's better than feeling nothing at all. Love has taught me a lot of things. And it still continues to teach me lessons for life. I've lost friends because of love. I've lost myself because of love. However, it is to be noted that because of love also, I found myself again. That love I am referring to now is love for oneself.

I have to love myself in order for me to pick up the pieces and make 'em whole again. I have to love myself so that one day I can open my heart again for someone I am going to spend eternity with.

All my love experiences are unique and great in there own ways. But this one's something I'd never forget until my deathbed. This one's gonna be treasured 'til I finally find someone who'll mend my broken heart. :')

Our love failed, but the feeling goes on. I don't know for how long but I am quite certain that it'll take me too much time. It's not an easy process but I know I can. You made it so I think I'll make it too.

I think every word that has been said are really meant. So, i'm taking an exit. From now on, i'm not gonna send questions like 'musta' or whatsoever to you anymore. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna haunt you with the memory I might bring. I'm not gonna bother your life and the people in it. And as you wish, I WILL STAY AWAY FROM YOU. Feel free to forget that once in your life, you met a stupid Jonas. Forget that I even exist.

Before I finally end this post, I want you to know that everything I felt was real; just like you. And please, don't be too unfair in saying that it was my intention of hurting you because I have never thought of that ever since. Your happiness is so important to me that I'm letting you go now.

So there.

A lot of thanks to the girl who meant the world to me for almost 2 years now. A lot of apologies to that same girl who I have disappointed for so many times. And a lot of hugs from me to you for eternity. Take care of yourself, you know me so well that I don't have to tell you what taking care is, the pogi-pretty way. A part of me will always be in love with you, too. Thank you, thank you, thank you! This is really goodbye. It HURTS but all I know is that loving YOU is BITTER SWEET. *insert a river of Jonas' tears here*

Wo ai ni! <3 *insert You and I collide here*


P.S. Let's be happy. Let's smile. Let's make the best of who we are, pogi! :')

What if

What if I turn into someone really bad? Like the exact opposite of who and what I am now? Just a thought. This day's driving me insane. Let's go to the church. :')

Gotta leave with this thought:

If you stand for a reason, be prepared to stand alone like a tree, and if you fall on the ground, fall like a seed that grows back to fight again.

P.S. I miss you :'(

You and I collide

I need an html music code for You and I collide, please help me find one. I really need it. Badly need it. Thank you! :')

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Don't stop here
I lost my place
I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

This has been playing for 20 times now. Wooh. Saksak sa baga ang paglimot.

Nonsense

Wordpress is quite demanding. But i'm starting to like it. :') Will be facing the computer for the next 12 hours? That'll suffice. I think. :'D

bye

Will be leaving blogspot soon. :') Bye! Find me @ -------> wordpress ^___^

A

I should get an A this Wednesday or else, I will delete all my accounts in different social networking sites and I won't go to London with my Family. That, I promise. I'm too f^cked up.

:')

I've read everything. From your tweets, tumblr posts and mail. I'm trying to comprehend everything and i'd like to ask for an apology ahead because i'm afraid i'm not gonna be able to reply to it anytime soon. For a number of reasons that is. I just want you to know that I understand you more than you think I can. And whatever they say does not really matter. There's nothing to be sorry about but there's a lot of things to be thankful for. You're one of it. Today, I want you to promise me you'll be happy. Promise me. :') Stay safe, Beautiful! :')

P.S. Adieu, Au Revoir

Hoohayyyy

I once asked her about the title of a certain song in her blog. Se answered me but I forgot what it was. So then I "yahooed" it. Jk. I googled it. :') Then I told myself, maybe the reason why I forgot the title is that my mind doesn't adhere to the idea of the song's very title. Yeah right! I remember everything that she says apart from this. Weird, funny, I don't know. Mixed emotions. So yeah, the title is "Goodbye". It's a really nice song. The melody, rhythm. lyrics, everything! It's kind of sad though (that's an understatement) but because it is upbeat, it entices someone to listen to it fully. :') Like meeeee. :'D I listen to it always (but I make sure nobody's listening, they might think, yeah, that. :'D). I'm quite not sure na nga of my gender now. HAHAHAHA. I kid. :P

So here's the lyrics if ever you haven't heard of it pa. Pero I bet you guys aren't as kawawa as me man when it comes to songs. :D

The hope is fading from my lips

When I kiss you with goodbye

Now when you let go of our last embrace

Please don't look me in the eye

Secret's out, that I just might care about you

You broke me, you're leaving 

There's nothing I can do

I'll find a way to close the door

I want to say so much more but

I found you once, you're lost again

Two thousand miles took what could have been

I don't want to 

Won't let myself

I have to realize

This might be

This could be

This is goodbye

This is goodbye

The smile fate was wearing, slowly die

Minutes turn to months

Silence of the phone just mocks my cry

When I see that you've moved on

Secret's out that I did care about you

You broke me, you left me

There was nothing I could do

I'll find a way to close the door

I want to say so much more but

I found you once, you're lost again

Two thousand miles took what could have been

I don't want to 

Won't let myself

I have to realize

This might be

This could be

This is goodbye

Do I ever cross your mind?

Cause you're on mine all the time

I can't believe how unfair life is sometimes

Find a way to close the door

And be okay with nothing more but

Found you once, you're lost again

Two thousand miles took what could have been

I don't want to 

Won't let myself

I have to realize

This might be

This could be

This is goodbye

This is goodbye

The hope is fading from my lips

So there. Sad noh? Or it's just me who's feeling it? :'D Anyway, wala akong nagawa na productive today. :/ Might as well save myself from feeling asdfghjkl. --" SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD really. Boset. T_________________T I could just die now. F^ck this life. :'/ </3 K. THANKS. BYE. :(

Till OUR heartaches end

I was about to eat lunch (yeah it's past 1 already but I have not yet eaten my lunch) when I saw a blog entitled Till My Heartches End (A Movie Review). After reading the title, I knew right there and then that there's something more about it. I said, no, this couldn't be just a movie review.  So, without having second thoughts, I read it. And voila, I must admit, I was stunned. Amazed, really. The writer is really good. I don't wanna name her because she's living a very private life. But I want to reblog this because it's a good read. For those who are experiencing this as of the moment, you'll definitely agree with me. :') HAHA. Again, this is not mine, I'm just reblogging it. So here it goes:

Till My Heartaches End (A Movie Review)

How can a few hour talk in a coffee shop abruptly put an end to a relationship that lasted for years?

Till my Heartaches End is definitely one of the most realistic Filipino movies that I have ever seen. This flick, a hit last October 2010, is a movie worth watching. I've honestly watched this movie thrice: first was with him, second was with a friend and the latest.. Okay. I watched it alone - just a few hours ago. I watched it again since I don't wanna be biased with Paolo Barredo (Gerald Anderson) and his intense belief of DESTINY. I tried to be keen with all his actions, arguments and what made him decide to finally.. just.. okay. LATER. 

I'll give its movie trailer a 10/10 rating. The lines are something that you guys could possibly relate.

Every relationship starts with a beautiful beginning.. 

a woman who never knew love until she met him..

And a man who found love when she believed in him..

But when his dreams became more than she could take,

She wanted love more than he could give.

When a relationship is bound to end, 

Will you fight for it and stay? 

or will you choose to walk away?

The movie used the flashback device or whatever you call that style. Paolo Barredo, portrayed by Gerald Anderson and Agnes Ramos, starred by Kim Chiu were talking in a coffee shop. It was a sort of an infamous CLOSURE that every lover is afraid of. To quote Star Cinema's plot, "Despite the love they still both have for each other, one must choose to decide when to let go even if the other is still holding on."

The relationship seemed to be so beautiful in the beginning. Agnes was living a simple life until she met Paolo who happened to give the world to her. Everything was awesome and sweet as if they were like lying on a bed full of roses. He loved her. She loved him. Until finally - Paolo's shining dreams were actualizing and were falling into reality. Agnes failed to understand. Paolo failed to make her understand. Things went wrong since then and I can't put into words how the relationship was totally bruised like hell.

I wanna quote lots of lines from the movie but I find these two really worth mentioning. Let me start with Agnes first. When she went home from their amazing break up, she was crying to death. Her winning line was: "Ayaw niya na po sa akin. Ang sakit sakit." For Paolo, his line was something like "Nakasakit ako ng babae na mahal na mahal ako." 

Obviously, with the above mentioned lines, you would certainly know who let go. It's Paolo Barredo, Darling. At some point, you may blame him for giving the world to Agnes.. for making her fall in love with him deeply and then suddenly, like a shattered glass, Agnes was left empty when Paolo finally decided to dump her courageously. On the other hand, you may also blame Agnes for making him his world and for being too paranoid with the relationship that they're in. 

Sometimes, we realize that staying together is no longer an option. I think it's really that painful but it's totally something that one has to deal about. Perhaps love is still there but the circumstances don't really permit the love story we may have always wanted. 

Nonetheless, I am a bit confused with the movie's ending. Their paths crossed again with Paolo kissing Agnes' forehead. What does that mean? I don't know!!! Hahaha. If I were Agnes, I won't allow Paolo to kiss me.. I won't allow him to kiss me sa forehead lang. I want sa lips!!!!! Hahaha. Kidding. I was just trying to divert the super kaduper serious tone of this post. 

I demand a Part 2 of this film. Who knows? They still might end up together. In the long run, even if you'll claim that love is a choice, destiny will still play and make your paths cross. 

:')

Something random; really random

Hi! I intentionally did not go to school today 'cause I didn't feel like seeing a lot of people. What an awful way to start a week. Anyway, I really don't know where to start from here. So, i'm just gonna write about super random things. There's an examination comin' up tomorrow and I am not in the mood to study. We're going out of the country this Christmas break and I am not even excited about it. I have f^ckin' colds and i'm really f^cked up. Now, that was more than random. :'D

Okay. Brain cooperate. Coherence this time please. :'D SO! SO! Haha. K, the laugh isn't necessary. Sorry! I'm gonna talk about PABLO. Ay no. Nerdy talks are sh*t. FAMILY? Ay, that's even more bull sh*t! That asdfghjkl feeling when you see your fhgoihdfgihdfoihgs dad fhgsidhfgjdshfsjhgos other women. WHAT THE FAAAAAAAAK! >< K. Kung naintindihan mo, WOW! You know me well. :') Next, ahm, STUDIES? Really, no! I messed up man. T___T Gonna make bawi pa. :'/ But i'm not inspired man oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. Whatever. FRIENDS? Oh sh*t, do I have one? I kid. Yeah, they're I don't know. They're "concerned" about me so much. Thanks ha? TALAGA. In a lil sarcastic way. --,, Sorry, i'm just being honest. I still feel damn bad about it. Really bad.

Ahh yeah. I'm really sorry about these things i'm blabbering. Hindi naman siguro masyadong halata noh na i'm down in the dumps. T____T Wait lng, kakapasok lng ng news. Signal number 2 na ang ibang bahagi ng Northern Mindanao, please, INGAT KA...YO jan! Our prayers are with you!

Now ah. . .K. May naisip na ako na topic. :'D My sister and I used to talk whether 3-month rule is really necessary. Sa relationships ha. Well then you know, personally, I don't believe in this 3-month rule but I must say, I really adore those who try to keep this. The best reason perhaps for following such is RESPECT. I have been in the world of love and relationship for about 7 years? Haha. Yeah 7 years. It was but a heck of a roller coaster ride of emotions. I've experienced all the extremes, trust me. Pero know what? Ni isa sa mga naging ex ko, hindi ever sumunod sa infamous rule na yan. :'D Got used to it though kaya nga ngayon, kahit masakit parang wala lang. Dinidedma ko nlng. :'| Well, sabi nga ng isa kong kaibigan na babae "3 months isn't enough to help you find yourself again. To better yourself, a lot of prayer is involved. While you're in the process of healing, it is but fair to show respect to the person you used to love. You need not rush things. Find strength in God, your family and friends. If you want to date again, don't immediately commit." I say, akala mo ganun lang yun kadali? To those who are in deep pain like me, kulang na kulang na kulang na kulang na kulang na kulang ang 3 months. I think it'll take me the whole of 2013 to move on. And yeah, i'm not gonna date anybody anytime soon yet. NOT HIRING! Kawawa kasi yung susunod sa kanya. I might not be able to show her true love. Buti nlng wala kesa maglokohan. The thought of staying single scares me before. But now? I don't give a damn about it. So what kung wala akong ka date sa Feb 14? So what kung wala akong ka HHWW? Hahahaha. Wala lang. Natawa ako. :'D

I really don't have any idea on how to end this post. But maybe I won't end this without telling you that there is a unique feeling of happiness and strength in letting go. As I always say, "wanting you to be happy is better than wanting you". It's really hard to fight against destiny. Really! But you see, if she's for you, then God will find a way to let your paths cross. When that time comes, huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuug her tight! Haha. I kid. That's DESTINY, baby. :')