OURS

I have never felt anything like this before. I'm good with just about anything, I'm very confident and yet when it comes to you, I seem to go asdfghjkl loco! :'D Oh well. I'm excited about something. I feel ecstatic yet nervous about it. Sunday, come fast and be good to me. :'* As they say, there's always a FIRST TIME. We'll be having OURS. ^____^

I miss you

Hello thereThe angel from my nightmareThe shadow in the background of the morgueThe unsuspecting victimOf darkness in the valleyWe can live like Jack and SallyIf we wantWhere you can always find meAnd we'll have halloween on christmasAnd in the night we'll wish this never endsWe'll wish this never ends
I miss you(I miss you)
Where are you?And I'm so sorryI cannot sleepI cannot dream tonightI need somebody and alwaysThis 6 string's darknessComes creeping on so haunting every timeAnd as I stared I countedThe webs from all the spidersCatching things and eating their insidesLike indecision to call youAnd hear your voice of treasonWill you come homeAnd stop this pain tonight?Stop this pain tonight
Don't waste your time on meYou're already the voice inside my head(I miss you)Don't waste your time on meYou're already the voice inside my head(I miss you)

This one's for you

Dahil hindi ako makatulog, surf ng surf lng ako sa net tapos accidentally or whatever you'd want to call it, nabasa ko blog mo for me. First thing's first. Thank you po! Kasi kahit na hindi kita napapansin, nandiyan ka lang parati for me. Sorry din if ever you find me "snob". Hindi ko lang po talaga ugali na alam mo na. I mean, may instances kasi dba na kung mapalapit loob ng tao sayo, baka mahulog, masaktan mo pa. Iniiwasan ko po talaga yun. In your case, talagang hindi kita napansin dati kasi nature ko po talaga yun. I only talk to people close to me. Minsan nga kahit barkada ko, di ko pinapansin. :'D Sorry talaga. Second, I appreciate the things na ginawa mo for me. Kahit na hindi ko masusuklian yung pagmamahal mo, know that I'm one of the people who appreciates your worth as a person and most importantly as a lady. Remember what I said? Someday you'll find the right guy for you. Don't chase love. Wait for it. Thank you so much. I'm writing this blog with a grateful heart and I want you to know that this one's for you. :)

P.S. Wala akong FB at Twitter. Okay? and, I'm not a texter. Pero inform me if birthday mo, I'll greet. That's a promise. ^___^ HAHA. :')

and one more thing. . .this made me laugh:

"dahil sa ex nya kaya sya nawala../imissyou so much Jonas :'("

HAHA :D nakakatuwa ka naman. ^____^ ex pa tuloy. :'P TAKE CARE! God bless you!

A F^ckin' Fact

I hate the fact that the person i'm thinking of always doesn't think that i'm thinking of her. ><
I hate the fact that I have to put extra effort just to know what the hell is going on with your life. (May private2 ka pang nalalaman--". Too bad. I'm the kind of guy who will do anything just to know kung kamusta ka na.)
I hate the fact that despite and in spite of everything, I still care.
I hate the fact that I am supposed to hate you but I can't because you are so dear to me.
I hate the fact that I'm still tanga after all the things that happened.
I hate the fact that I get hurt whenever I hear your name.
I hate the fact that it's not me who's taking care of you.
Above all, I hate the fact that my heart still longs for you. I keep teaching it to forget you but it seems to have a mind of it's own. I can't blame it though. I'm still into you and that's a FUCKIN' FACT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It couldn't be with me

I heard you like PURPLE AND GREY combined. So I tried.

Matutulog na dapat ako, pero may isang tao na hanggang ngayon di pa rin umaalis sa isipan ko. :/ I'm pretty sure marami-rami na rin ang naka experience nito. No matter how hard you try, you just can't help but think of that person over and over again even if the thought of him/her kills you already.

Ang pinakaayaw ko sa lahat yung mag move on. Lalo na kung wala naman talaga dapat kalimutan kasi in the first place wala naman talagang "KAYO" na nangyari. Uso na ba yan ngayon? Naman oh, sumabay pa ako. Di ko alam, ang sakit pala. Yung nagmamahal ka pero walang commitment. Yung nagmamahal ka pero wala naman palang patutunguhan. Yung nagmamahal ka pero hanggang dun nlng talaga. </3

Grabeh ako magmahal. Loyal kung loyal. Kaya kung masaktan din, WAGAS. I've been single for almost 2 years now. Pero sa panahong yun, may minahal naman ako ng sobra. Hinding-hindi ko pagsisihan na minahal ko siya. My only regret is losing her for another man.

Kagabi, I went out with some guy friends to find consolation. For the first time, nalasing ako ng di ko namalayan. I don't really drink pero kinailangan kong gawin para may pag hugutan ako ng lakas ng loob at masabi ko lahat ng nararamdaman ko. I didn't cry though. Hindi dahil sa nahiya ako sa mga kaibigan ko pero siguro dahil nasanay na ako sa sakit at naubusan na ako ng luha na maaari pang ilabas.

I went home at 3am kanina. At sa pag-uwi ko, iniwanan ko ng isang tanong ang mga kaibigan ko: "Does loving mean letting go? Or holding on?" Hindi ko na hinintay ang sagot nila. Sabog na sabog na ako and I needed to drive myself home. Thank God I arrived safe and sound.

Paggising ko kaninang umaga, una kong kinuha cellphone ko. Di ko alam bakit. Unusual nga eh. Pero siguro batid ng utak ko na sinagot ng mga kaibigan ko ang tanong ko. Well, iba-iba sagot nila. Lahat convincing kaya mas lalo akong nalito. Pero medyo nalinawan naman ang pag-iisip ko.

Like Bob Marley, I believe that only once in your life that you'll find someone who could completely turn your world around. Only once will you ever find someone you'd share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never and will never be achieved and the many disappointments life has and will throw at you.

Know what, I cannot help but see Blair in you and Chuck in me. These lines make me wanna cry a river of tears:

Blair: Why did you just do that?

Chuck: Because of what you said earlier.

Blair: About being happy? Chuck, that’s not the most important thing. People don’t write sonnets about being compatible, or novels about shared life goals and stimulating conversation. The great loves are the crazy ones. L’amour fou.

Chuck: Blair we’re not living in Paris in the 20s.

Blair: We both wish we were.

Chuck: There’s a difference between a great love and the right love. I left the Empire State Building last year after two minutes when you didn’t show. Louis waited all night. This is your chance at happiness. You think you shouldn’t want it ‘cause you’ve never had it and it scares you. But you deserve your fairytale.

Blair: We make our own fairytales.

Chuck: Only when we have to. You don’t. How do you feel about tonight?

Blair: Awful. I just… terrible. In fact I’ve never, felt like this before.

Chuck: Guilt. I feel it too. Maybe I’m actually growing up after all.

Blair: I didn’t wanna let you go just yet.

Chuck: Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not powerful. You’re the most powerful woman I know.

Blair: It’s taking all the power I have to walk away from you.

Chuck: I know. But I need to let you go. You need to let go.

Blair: I will always love you.

Chuck: I will always love you.

Ay that shit. </3

YOU know what, MY WORLD could have been a lot easier if I did not know you. That's very true. But, it wouldn't be MY WORLD WITHOUT YOU IN IT. So nevertheless, I am grateful.

Girl, I wanted to tell you things that I've never shared with another soul. I so wanted that when something wonderful happens to me, you'd be the first person to know it. I keep on dreaming about so many things that could possibly happen between you and me if given the chance. But damn, everything just ended so soon.

Yung sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon, talo pa yung previous relationships ko ah. T_T Grabeh ang tama ko sayo. :( Alam ko naghintay ka, at sorry kung nainip ka. Pero isang bagay ang tinitiyak ko sayo. Ang lalaki, pag nagmahal ng tunay, di basta-bastang nakakapagsabi ng tunay na nararamdaman. Kaya kung may makilala ka in the future, tas the next day sasabihin niyang mahal ka niya, wag kang maniwala.

Tama na siguro sa mga hinanakit ko. Wala naman tong patutunguhan. :( Masasabi ko lng, CONGRATS! Sana maging masaya ka. No joke. I really wish you two well. Sana rin tumagal kayo. 

Sakit mag mahal ng isang tulad mo. Hirap kalimutan pero para sayo, kakayanin ko. Promise ko, hindi kita guguluhin. Promise ko, pipilitin kong maging maligaya para sayo.

I may not be able to open my heart for a new lover right now, but someday, I will.

For the last time, THANK YOU! We might not have spent REAL TIME TOGETHER but I was contented in just having you in my heart. Things that never interested me before became fascinating to me because I knew they're important to you.

It's really difficult to move on and forget my feelings for you because I think of of you on every occasion and in everything that I do. Simple things bring the thought of you to my mind; like when I see a doodle, a skull, a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon.

The day I have loved you, I opened my heart to the chance that it may be broken one day. I knew that it'll cause me too much pain but I didn't mind. I didn't listen to what my friends said. I didn't give a damn of what the people think about me.

I AM REALLY IN PAIN RIGHT NOW but the experience of love and joy I felt with you surpasses the feeling of hatred. UNTIL NOW, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HATE YOU. :( Until now, I am IN LOVE WITH YOU. T_T

But you see, things are quite different. In just a snap, you found a replacement. I mean, there's nothing to replace because I never had that spot in your life. But really, it hurts. IT FUCKINGLY HURTS. T_T

Go on now with your life. Always remember, I ONLY WANTED YOU TO BE HAPPY. I'M SO SORRY IF IT COULDN'T BE WITH ME. <////3

Para sayo

So there's this girl, she makes me write love letters. She makes me cry, she makes me smile and above anything else, she makes me go zxcvbnm. :'D Intindihin niyo nlng. :P

She celebrated her 18th birthday last October 23, and I don't know why life is so bastos that all the things I planned, failed. (dba Jhen?) T_T Anyway, I'm trying to make bawi kahit nasa ospital ako ngayon. Buti pa dito may net sa bahay wala. </3 Tssss.

Okay. So, I'm an expert in playing with words. I'm an expert in combining even the simplest words and making them sound oh-so-good. But not anyone can make me do that. Just her. :') But today, i'm not gonna blabber about how wonderful a girl she is because i'm pretty sure that everyone knows that already. I'm going to go beyond my comfort zone. I'm going to act brave and show the world something I made for her. (Seriously, naiiyak ako sa kaba.) Haha. :'D Hindi po kagandahan ang ginawa ko. Hindi po talaga. Pero masasabi kong nag effort naman ako.

To be downright honest, I'm good with my hands but I'm not good in drawing. :D Well, kaya ko naman kung mga linya lang eh pero kung dadagdagan na ng mga bilog at ibang hugis, Diyos ko, wag nalng. Pero dahil nga mahilig siyang mag doodle, gumawa ako ng FIRST doodle ko for her. Naaaaah ui. Haha. Natatawa ako sa ginawa ko. I don't know if my drawing can give justice to the doodle world. :D T_T Sorry talaga pero ito lng nakaya ng creativity ko. Hahaha. :D

No one has ever made me draw kasi aside sa pangit, (HAHA) ayoko talaga, kahit mag try man lang. Pero para sayo, kinaya ko. Chos. :D Alam kong di mo magugustuhan pero bahala na. Haha. :P Promise, gagaling pa ako. Gagalingan ko pa sa susunod para sayo. ^__^ I'll do better next time. Tawa ka muna kasi alam kong matatawa ka sa ginawa ko. Haha. (Lord ui, T_T) Pero okay lng. Nyahaha.

So ito na. . . T_T

Yung nag tetext tayo tas sabi ko na may ginagawa ako sa kwarto? Ito yun. Haha. SORRY. T_T Belated Happy 18th Birthday, Beautiful! :') :'*

From the bottom of my heart

Since yesterday, I've been dreaming about you. I've been dreaming about you and me, cuddling, living life as if it's our last, and loving like there's nothing more to do but to love. Life really is unfair eh? The moment you've decided to forget a fragment of your memory, the more it reminds you of the things you shouldn't. I'm not saying I want to forget you, I just want to forget that I have once loved you.

All these time, I know it's my fault. I never thought of the possibility of losing you for another. I never thought of getting hurt and hurting you as well. I never thought of falling into you this much. I never thought of it ending oh-so-soon.

As they say, people come and people go. Well, it's true. Some are meant to stay forever but others are meant to pass for a while just to add spice to your life. Maybe, you and I belong to the latter. Maybe you and I aren't going any further. Maybe you and I are not really destined to be together.

I'm saying goodbye to my selfishness. I want you to go on with your life. I don't want to be the reason for your misery anymore. I could've done more but I didn't do anything. I wasn't able to prove my love for you. And for that, I believe, I don't deserve you. Someone else does. I think. :(

Things will change as they always will. Feelings we once nurtured and held true may be made obsolete with newer and better ones. I don't blame you for finding consolation from another, I don't blame you for loving another. I am incapable of giving you the kind of love and happiness you have ever dreamed of. My incapability is even an understatement. :(

All these uncomfortable situations have fed my thoughts to grow. In retrospect, I thought that time will freeze to those merry days with you and things will be like as it was since Day 1. Well, my thoughts turned out to be it's exact opposite. There are things we cannot do but surrender unto. These things have boiled down to a humbling realization that your love does not revolve around me.

From the bottom of my heart, you deserve nothing less but to be the happiest girl you can ever be. Go forth and be with the person who can truly show you that he loves you more than these words could ever mean. Go and spend each day with genuine happiness and love. Go and love him as much as he loves you. Go. . .but don't ever dare to forget me. :') 

Again, people come and go. You came, and now, i'm letting you go. Know however, that you have left an indelible lesson and memory that I will bear for the rest of my life.

Distance may sprawl a thousand miles and both of us may stand on different grounds, but you and I just fall under one same sky. We see the same stars and the moon hover, and we will always be connected with each other.

From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry, thank you and I love you, my fairly beloved, and now, my good old friend. :') <'3

-DFWP-